Suicide - The easy way out?

  Another new piece from me...

DEAD END

Dear dead end,

You truly are my only friend,

The one who throws no insult or mockery,

The one who accepts all of me,

 Even though the rest of them exist,

In my eyes, you are real,

Your attraction is one I could not resist,

Albeit a lethal and forbidden appeal,

I lay my worthlessness to you,

Because life has betrayed me,

The scarcity of good is nothing new,

Always have, always will be,

I will now walk into the path of demise,

Leaving behind crumbs of hopelessness and goodbyes,

Perhaps grief will be my lasting legacy,

The one who lost the will to live.

Gerard Galvestini, Copyright 2011

I have to admit, life is never easy. There will always be difficulties along the way, whether you like it or not. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone fails at least once in whatever we do. There will always be people who doesn't like you for whatever reasons it may be. Perhaps someone in the family disagrees with the decisions that you make. Let's not forget about breaking-up with the one whom you thought will spend the rest of your time with. Whatever it is, the negative elements are all around us. We either deal with it and persevere or take the easy way out, usually a very nasty and gory solution.

Suicide is like a disease that infects people, especially youngsters. There was a news about a few months ago when a 22-year old man jumped off a building to his death. It seems sad that because a relationship ended, he choose to end his own life. He even hinted his intention on Facebook.

I've come across some of these suicide messages on people's FB status. I would like to admit, I've even posted a few of those messages myself. You see, the idea of suicide seems fascinating when one is in a deep stage of hopelessness and worthlessness. It appears to them as some sort of 'saviour' that promised to rescue them out of meaningless life. I tried to actually commit suicide once. I was at an empty classroom on the 9th floor of the university campus. I was studying engineering at that time. Because I was studying something that I didn't like and was imposed on me, the stress of it overwhelmed me. For some reason, jumping out of the window seems like a good idea. I was about to climb out of the window when something inside of me told me to STOP. Immediately I 'woke up', realizing what I was about to do and moved away from the window. I was literally shaken by fear as I exit the classroom. And that's about it.

I'm used to being ridiculed whenever I posted cries for help on FB, but how do you respond to such post? Do you show your concern to that person? Or do you dismiss that person as being 'emo'? What if it's your friend? Or maybe a member of your family? What are you going to do about it? Well, it's up to you.

until then.........

Paths taken in life

The other day, me and both of my parents went out for breakfast at a kopi-tiam. While mom was browsing around the stalls, dad and I had a conversation. This is a rough re-typing of the dialogues between me and dad:-

Dad: Son, if you don't like what you're studying, perhaps you could take other engineering disciplines like err,... civil perhaps?

Me: Dad, I told you. I never liked engineering. You can't force me to take that path again, even if it's a different discipline.

Dad: Maybe you could go for something more... more administrative. Less demanding. You see, I've only read about engineering. So, I don't know how does it feel like on your part. Maybe you could re-consider it.

Me: I already told you. I know how it feels like and to be honest, engineering is not my cup of tea.

Dad: Ok. I understand. But, you know, it's going to be difficult to find jobs here if you're going for journalism.

Me: I know, dad. I know the risk I'm taking. But that won't change my decision to pursue journalism. You have to understand, life is never easy. I'd wish it is.

Well, that's about it. Dialogue's kinda cheesy, though. But it does reflect on a dilemma that seems very Asian in nature. Based on my what I've experienced and observed, it seems that Asian parents would typically force their children to pursue a certain career path such as engineering, law, medical, etc. There are a number of possible factors why children are forced to pursue these particular careers. Among them:-

•  Job security
• Good pay
• Well-known and respectable careers
• Bragging rights
• Kiasu-ism
• Children seems to lack sense of direction

The first 3 points represent parents who wants the best for their children. So, it is understandable why they want their children to go for these kinds of careers. After all, every parents want their children to have a proper and secure future, right?

However, I have met parents who represent the next two points. It seems that inflating their egos are important to them. Usually, they would boast to people that their child is studying engineering or medical, even if the child does not enjoy studying them. There are also parents who force their children to take those careers simply because they do not want to lose out. Perhaps the financial benefits and/or the status-oriented nature of these careers drives them to compete with others as if they are scarce commodities. This might explain the increasingly small and competitive job market. Unbelievable. They would rather give in to their kiasuism at the expense of their children's future. Thank God my parents don't fall into either of the two categories (although they fall under the 'parent-who-wants-the-best-for-their-child' category).

Now, let's talk about the last point. There are those who are clueless about which path to go to. This indecisive moment leaves parents no choice but to force them to go for those career paths just so that they do something. There are also those who usually starts aiming for a path only after SPM/STPM results came out.Some are able to cope with it and eventually got the hang of it. But there are those who crumbles under pressure yet could not escape from it because they don't know where to go. I really pity those who had to go through this kind of scenario. If only they are properly guided and their talents nurtured, they would have a better outcome.

I'm not bashing certain profession here. I agree that these careers are very good and important. But, what must be taken into account are their the children's interests and talents. The truth is, not everyone can cut out to be an engineer, a lawyer or a doctor. But for every engineers, doctors and lawyers, there's also the entrepreneurs, the artists, the writers, the social workers, etc. I think, intrinsic motivation (utilizing God's given talents to enrich humanity) matters more than extrinsic motivation (Good salary and status).

Until then..........

How do people carry themselves in life?

Some time ago, I had a dream that had such a profound effect on me that I could still remember it well. Basically, it starts off with a woman and a boy (most probably her son) were running aimlessly. It really was like a movie. They seem to be running from one city to another, in only a matter of seconds. It doesn't seem to make sense until I saw what was chasing the two of them. It was a creature wearing a black cloak full of holes and it doesn't have any legs but it can float on mid-air. My guess was that it was Death itself (minus the scythe). The chase kept going on until mother and son entered an empty room(a dead end). Then, a mist exited out of the boy's nostrils, slowly moves like a snake towards Death's right fist while the boy gradually withers away until he became a lifeless vessel. Afterwards, in a rather cliche manner, Death slowly fades away, leaving a distraught mother to mourn for her son's death.

That's how the story goes. But I still pity the mother even though I knew it was a dream. It even got me thinking of life. Everyone knows that life is so short and that just about anyone can and will meet their ends even in the most unexpected ways. Yet, people seem to just carry on with their lives, committing their time just for monthly cheques. Everyone seems to be 'functioning' instead of 'living'. It's like they hit a 'replay' button, going through more or less the same routine, no matter how much they dislike it. The irony of it all lies deep in everyone's desire to change although very few people actually make that decision. Perhaps, it has something to do with the way people are brought up. Or maybe, there is no other reason NOT to live a mundane life?

McCandless

The quiet and the cold that is typical,
Lying half-conscious, awaiting the moment,
Reminiscing my acts that is naturally fanatical,
My weakened eyes steadily fixed towards Heaven,

With supplies running ever low,
And almost all energy withered,
There is absolutely nowhere to go,
It seems my days are numbered,

My life's memory is my only friend,
A faithful partner that stays on to the end,
Such a great comforter and a grim reminder,
Of the reality that looms ever closer,

Realizing that happiness is real when shared,
That is the only regret I bear,
Such epiphany have left me despaired,
Never to walk again in this body beyond repair,

These moments are not easy to go through,
Because all of us are given only a handful of time,
Just enough to act upon something we like to do,
and not waste them on demanding lifestyle,

The last few grains of time is all I have,
So little to do but to wait,
And to remember the souls whom I've met,
A fitting end for my memoir concerning my fate,

With every heartbeat getting heavier,
Everything grows darker and darker,
This fragile vessel gave out one last struggle,
To hold on in this futile battle,

Alas, I could see the hidden Light,
Piercing its way through the blight,
Full of awe and extremely bright,
It outshines even the darkest night,

The light has come to take me,
My first step to eternity,
I thank the Lord for all he did,
And bless those who read thi...

Coffee and pie

Sip after sip,
The coffee stood by my side,
Watching the rain droplets sliding down the glass panel,
Reminiscing on the days of the old,
Deciphering people's lives as they walk through the door,
Thinking though the possibilities of life by watching a long line of people,
Trying out the famous chicken pie,

Just like coffee and pie,
Can't life be as pleasant as we all hoped?
Indeed, we have lost the child in us,
Lying to ourselves that we 'must grow up',
To choose to ignore that our 'maturity' is the cause of all the troubles today,
We ourselves become the source of all the anxieties,
But are too worried to admit,

Alas, I could feel it,
The strong sense of curiosity,
The youthful hopes and dreams,
Even that child-like energy,
All bound up in this corrupt prison,
Wanting to be free,
To explore and make positive changes all over again,

But, of course,
Until we could find the key to our own prison,
The mundane cycle will roll on,
Unless, of course, one always finds the time and appetite for coffee and pie.

Life's journey

Every note from the sightless player,
Bring memories of early moments,
Remembering life being humbler,
And blood-ties being stronger.

O, how the world evolves,
Too busy building their own walls,
Sheltering themselves from one another,
Not even a greeting to a stranger?


The longing to stand atop a hill,
With hopeful glance followed by a loud shout,
Seems out of favor among the weaker-willed,
Who choose to seek advice from doubt.

Concrete is the new wood,
Evil is the new good,
Injustice is the new mercy,
And ignorance no longer equals stupidity.

In the name of 'freedom', things have gone reckless,
In the name of 'equality', discrimination reign supreme,
Even when true motive is unveiled before us,
We blindly fulfill a corrupt man's dream.

It is amazing that despite the unfolding events,
Man chose ignorance over epiphany,
Brushing away the consequences at a glance,
With nothing but Facebook to keep them happy.

But for now, to live is my objective in life,
Make use of whatever time that is entrusted to me,
Because no other joy is greater than it is to be alive,
And every un-passing time could mean undiscovered opportunity.

~Gerard Galvestini, Copyright 2010

Summary of "the world"

The world is sick, where did the love go?
Too many warm hearts grow cold,
Indifference is the ethics to follow,
Perhaps life is no longer graceful when we get old?

Such is the life of today,
Endless expectations and deadlines,
Literally living life in a hectic way,
It's like everyone's committing societal vice,

How I'd wish I'm not bound by demands,
A 'duty' to be accomplished,
Sacrificing livelihood for a scroll at hand,
What a complete rubbish!

God, take me away,
Away from this filthy place,
Away from the Evil master,
Who wants to enslave me in chains,

A loving arm is all I ever need,
Like a child, being able to feel safe,
To let the winds comfort me,
Taking me far away in my sleep,

Random piece of writing

Here's another piece of randomly-written poem:-

"If this world is the realm for my existence,
Then I'd wish to be born blind,
Not having to suffer visual pollutions,
Hoping to be born deaf, without the world's filth in my mind,
To live without hands,
Is not having to touch toxic-filled objects,
And to live without legs,
Is not having to walk on desecrated lands,

For every sorrow and news shown on screen,
Bears no significant to the watching audience,
It's only a repackaged version of things they had seen,
Witnessing lawlessness with indifference,
Today's media are well-cloaked de-sensitizing tools,
Turning today's inquisitive minds into ignorant fools,
Teaching the naive to unclothe themselves part by part,
And redefine such acts as 'art',

Now is the time of reciprocals,
Witnessing the virtues of evil,
Reborn, and renamed 'Justice',
Authority with an iron fist,
Are we no different than wild animals?
Are these the 'morals' of today's world?
Indeed, we have severely gone downhill,
And yet, society still walks on a treadmill,

These are merely food for thoughts,
From a man who is just one of the billions of dots,
That occupies this increasingly unstable sphere,
A world driven by fear,
Whether we've passed the point of no return,
Is not something I would be of concern,
Because even if there is a reset button,
Pressing it does not make anything different."

~Gerard Galvestini, copyright 2010

The simple joy of walking in a car-driven world.

What a rainy day today is!

If given the choice, I'd choose walking over driving, even if it takes me 1 hour to reach my destination.

Everytime I told people my decision of walking instead of driving, people stared at me in disbelief. Immediately people would ask me whether this decision is burdensome (aka tiring)?

A "yes" would be my answer. But this can be solved over time. You see, the reasons for my decision are not environmental or budgeting reasons, although they do matter. It's the simple joy of making discovery after discovery, however insignificant they are to others, that excites me.

Let me give you an example. About 2 days ago, I was walking to uni with my table fan (as in, electrical appliance fan, not someone who's obsessed with me fan). Then a middle-aged lady passed by while giving me some weird look. I was puzzled by the way she looked at me. I thought she must have never seen a fan before. Then I looked at my fan and, lo and behold, the propeller rotated by itself. Even I was amazed before I found out it was the wind that rotates the propeller. But it did make people curious, though.

Oh, ya. Another reason I choose walking over driving is because I can literally move though traffic. Even if the road is not easily cross-able, I can still remain in movement, cos I had difficulty remaining still. Beside, if the traffic gets congested, I can still move through the traffic, musical-ling (singing + dancing) my way to my destination. Besides, unlike humans, cars deteriorate with usage whereas we improve with usage.

Everyone has their reasons for their choices. Well, I gave you mine. Until then............

The uncertainty of life.

This is my 1st post in a year. Been quite busy with uni stuff, no time to blog. But anyway, this is the poem I wrote concerning life and Its' uncertain nature. Not really an impressive piece of writing, though...

"Uncertainty, life's best friend..."

"Uncertainty, the fuel of evolution,
Change, the only constant in the equation,
No man can mold Destiny,
It is not malleable,
Rather, it is always in motion,
As if it wants to run away,
Away from what?
The answer isn't simple,
Never was, never will be,
I bet no one could solve this mystery,
Even if he holds a PhD!"

~Gerard Galvestini, Copyright © 2010

Just looking around, I'd realized how uncertain life really is. You can be a nobody at one point in life, the next thing, you've succeeded in whatever project you're undertaking. It is not something that you can deduce to some mathematical equations or some intelligent philosophy with a snap of a finger.

It doesn't even matter if you plan well for your future cos', anything can happen along the line. To be honest, I don't buy into the whole "Well-planned life ensures a happy future" sentiment. But, that doesn't mean I don't plan at all. I'm more of a "go with the flow" kind of guy.

I'm a day-dreamer. The urge to 'sail away' is so strong, I literally need to spend some efforts to contain it. If I'm all alone or at least with a handful of friends, that's where I let go and quite a lot of time, literally re-enact whatever I dream about. Be it a mercenary befriending a princess, a child soldier/rebel commander taking care of the welfare of the less-fortunate in my community, some tokay selling Char Kueh Tiaw, etc. But enough about me and my day-dreaming antics.

Like I said, there's no way that we can configure life to the way we wanted to. The only thing that is certain is... Life itself is uncertain. The only thing that we can do is to look up and leave it to the Creator Himself. Don't know about you, this is my RM.0.02.

Until then, have fun in life!!!!!!